This week on Mix It Up Monday is an article about relationships by Write Curl. If you would like to see more by Write Curl, you can reach her on her webpage or Twitter, where you can find articles on life, hair, and transformation.
Insert Man Here: Do You Want a Partner or Placeholder
Thanks to this culturally induced sense of urgency, women naturally begin to lose sight of what a meaningful relationship is really about and why it's worth the wait. So, I ask you the question: Do you want a partner or a placeholder? Of course most of us would say we want a partner. But our actions don't necessarily align with what our mouths say.
If you have a list of prerequisites, you are seeking a placeholder. If you have a certain type and won't date outside of that type, you are seeking a placeholder. If you are more concerned about the size of your wedding ring than your partner's hopes and dreams, then you don't really want a partner. You want a placeholder.
Our unrealistic beliefs about relationships set us up for disappointment and downright misery. Too often we think that personal fulfillment should come as a result of our relationships instead of being a foundation upon which to build them. Even if you are fortunate enough to find a man who fits your requirements and wants to be with you; happiness will still elude you if you are more concerned with the surface qualities of your union than the honesty and intimacy that is necessary to sustain it.
And what about how he feels? Is he supposed to be content with just showing up, picking up the script that you've written and delivering passionate lines of devotion to you on cue? He's a human being with needs, fears, strengths and weaknesses; not a faceless, dreamlike image that goes through the motions of loving you without any complexity or surprises. A healthy relationship is not about playing roles and meeting expectations, but about finding a middle ground on which both people feel respected and treasured as individuals.
If you are a woman looking for love, I challenge you to take a step back and evaluate your search criteria. Get into the habit of partnering with yourself and loving yourself unconditionally first. We cannot live in true happiness, single or not, when we entertain false assumptions and fail to value the things that really matter.
What do you think? We all have boundaries right? So, how do we find a balance between honoring those boundaries and still learning to love unconditionally?
By: Write Curl