Monday, August 16, 2010

Mix It Up Monday: Flying Catterpillar- Elijah Muhammad Done Stole My Ass, But he ain't get my Soul!!!

Flying Catterpillar is the next guest writer for Mix It Up Mondays. If you would like to read more by Flying Catterpillar, She can be contacted via her blog

Elijah Muhammad Done Stole My Ass, But he ain't get my Soul!!!

I've always knew of funk/fuck what you heard soul singer Joi, however, I never really thought much of her until this weekend when I had the opportunity to witness her perform at 1 Musicfest in Atlanta at the King Plow Arts Center.  Man, oh man, I've been sleepin'.  Not only did Joi deliver a rockin' performance in front of a crowd of like only 25 heads that most likely had no idea who she was or where she came from and, not only is her bass guitarist probably the sexiest man in the universe (like that black jesus, how wack would I look if i put a razor to my chest sexy), but man, joi is sexy as hell.  And I'm not talking about oh, she sexy as hell on some homosexual type stuff.  I'm talking about sexy as hell as in when I saw Joi, I saw my reflection and she made me think, "Damn, I'm sexy as hell, I've been sleeping on me all of these years."

Watching Joi sashay across stage in an all black sleeveless, skin tight, hold no secrets cat-suit with a small booty, little hips and small boobies made me proud.  She's an official A-cup like me! Yes, not a b cup, but an A cup!  I''ve always been a thin girl and I keep telling myself "the spread is coming, the spread is coming." But, it never comes.  I think I was about 11 years old when I first noticed my hips begin to take a new form by the way they began to spread when I sat in the bath tub.  I was real real excited about that, but the spread kind of ended there.  Then I went away to college, a black college at that...can you say 3 meals and a cot?!? Can you say Fried Chicken Wednesdays? I probably gained about 10 pounds in pleasant places, I was pleased.  Then that beautiful brotha Elijah Muhammad started spitting game in my ear: "Here sista, read this book that I wrote It's called How to Eat to Live, you shouldn't be eating pork and stay away from white flour, watch out for those lima beans they might burst in your stomach, oh...oh and eat only once a day, you ain't no slave queen, it's time to stop eating like one."  Brotha Elijah was cool, he was a little flaky in my humble opinion (no bean pies for me) but he was cool.  Needles to say, he stole my ass, but luckily for me he ain't get my soul.  Once I started doing more of my own independent research I utilized the knowledge that I received from Elijah Muhammad and I transitioned into a vegan diet.  My 10 pounds in pleasant places vanished immediately.  I began to feel uncomfortable in my skin, I felt a little bit like skeletor and the comments of others did not help either, "girl you need to eat and put some meat on your bones","What? Why in the world do you need to detox, you are already skinny?"  "Are you sure you are getting all of your nutrients, how are you getting your protein?" Are you on a diet or something (said while chomping on some potato chips and sipping a coke)?

I've been observing myself a lot lately, and I realize that I've always subconsciously thought that to get attention from guys that I had to have a big booty, full hips and voluptuos breast, or at least one of the three. (I never really took my body part functions into account: ass for deficating and cusion, breast for breast feeding and hips for child birth)   But now that I'm beginning to really really invest in my spirit, I'm beginning to notice that it is my spirit and not my ass that attracts the opposite sex.  Man, you should see my spirit, it's pretty thick (extra chuncky peanut butter thick) and it's sexy as hell too.  A little voice over my shoulder is telling me to be careful with my spirit, because it has the power to recreate umbilical cords and rebirth Gods via mental conception. Watch out now : )

Our spirits are like magnets.  So whether, big booty or small booty, your spirit is what ultimately attracts an individual to you.  If your spirit is glowing, then you are going to attract some sun filled people to you, but if your spirit is dark and ugly then you are going to attract some dark and ugly spiritually malnourished people to you.  Alison Yates author of Why Some People Attract Bad Luck asserts that  "Your Aura, the invisible vibrational energy field that surrounds you, can act as a bad luck magnet. Your Aura, if it is damaged, tainted or contains negative dark energies can attract further negative energies towards you and repel all forms of good luck. Conversely, people with brilliant and bright Auras are magnets for good luck. They attract even more positive energies and good luck towards them and like a protective shield, bad luck and negativity bounces off them.  If everything they touch seems to turn to gold, it may be because their Aura is shining gold around them. Your Aura, on the other hand could be very dark and dull - thus explaining your bad luck ("   So, if you keep attracting the same type of lame assholes, maybe you should go invest in cleansing your aura before investing in upgrading your appearance to attract another lame asshole.  You can cleanse your aura by utilizing crystals, smudging yourself with sage, meditation, cleaning your space, removing yourself from toxic people/environments and getting out into nature among other practices.

I digressed a bit, but back to Joi.  Seeing her whipping and dipping her A cup and her small booty across stage just confirmed to me that my phyical make-up is sexy as hell.  Well it's not even the physical make-up that makes Joi sexy, it's the confident aura that radiates her physical make up that makes her sexy.  But it was a pleasure to see my reflection glowing across stage (brown skin, lovely bones and a thick spirit).

By: Flying Catterpillar

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